In this moment, the suffering experience peaks, and I find that if I remain present to it, it unfolds itself into different subtle aspects. So instead of seeking any little possible distraction, I stay with it to explore. What’s there beyond the discursive thinking..
What’s there is my vulnerability, a tenderness.
What’s there is a softening of the hurting place.
What’s there is a raging against this injustice.
What’s there is my heart that consoles.
Who do these belong to. Suddenly I lose track.
Is this all “me”, who is frightfully alone and bereft, or is all this a little entrance into God’s grace.
Suddenly I don’t know who is sobbing.
Is this God’s presence in this moment.
The openness of not knowing is an expanse much bigger than the contraction of pain.
This is something worth sitting with.
“Glory to God for all things.” – last words of St. John Chrysostom as he died in exile in the year 407.
May it Be Blessed: An Orthodox journal 