That moment of dread when tunnel vision takes over and only despair is in sight. I’m taking a close look at how I’m beginning to meet that challenge differently.
These days this horrible little dig of the devil that attacks me many times throughout the day and night – with a torturous physical feeling and hideous emotional suffocation – becomes my prayer rope reminder to switch my focus to prayer. Immediately.
Step 1: The recognition that this is an attack.
Do Not indulge it in any way.
Do Not negotiate with the wicked.
Step 2: Pray.
This immediately interrupts the pattern, as long as you recognize it the moment it begins working on you.
So in a way, the evil one is actually working in the service of God now.
The work to heal that kind of despair used to be a more general work in progress, as it usually is for most people who “work on” their personal inner issues more in the background of life. But this kind of direct confrontation in the trenches is a whole ‘nother way.
There are times when sobbing and venting some miserable feelings is helpful. But these days I’m becoming more aware of the pivotal point where after a certain time that begins to feed despair rather than being a helpful release.
Maybe it had to take many long days of sobbing and wailing before I became more aware of this pivotal point and recognizing how this works. Maybe the grace of God is allowing me to cut to the chase and see that indulging in despair is a habit that can be overcome in the midst of His great mercy.
And only when faith and prayer are there to take up the slack that is the devil’s playground. Otherwise, all the best therapies and mental tricks never work, and openings for demonic attack just continue unopposed.
The needed release of tension from emotional expression can be a whole different experience. Sadness can be expressed and taper off naturally, in a short time without an ordeal, as prayer opens the tunnel to the fullness of my experience. That includes my deep gratitude for these precious spiritual lessons that I have somehow been deemed worthy of. It includes a whole beautiful, multi-faceted experience that is the truth that despair was blinding me to.
In despair, it’s as if the beauty of a human person becomes reduced to a stick figure, and all nuance of human experience is nightmarishly eliminated.
Experiencing that in its most exaggerated, magnified form is helping me recognize it for what it is, and clarify and renew my devotion to the Good that is worthy of being magnified. That I have no intention wasting any more time straying on that path that goes nowhere but into darkness.
“…the very Theotokos, Thee do we magnify.”
May it Be Blessed: An Orthodox journal 