The cry is the pivotal point

In the worst moments, the cry is “I can’t stand it anymore! I can’t do this anymore!”

It’s often a cry of despair that only feeds despair.

It could also be the most honest prayer to God, “I can’t do it – I literally can’t do anything without you.”

In that moment, I am offering this pain to God, and now my heart is engaged in a relationship with God.

I’m no longer struck down and battered but am standing to face the spiritual struggle straight up, with God powering me.

That is the pivotal point where the cry in darkness becomes a cry to God in this ineffable relationship with God. The moment I engage the heart where my love for God resides, that subtle but monumental shift is made, and I am transformed by love.

I am now in that sacred relationship, which means that God is present and coming to my aid, according to His will. My prayer is already answered in that moment.

Of course God was always with me, but when I wasn’t humble enough to allow his presence to fill me, then my experience was of crying out unanswered in darkness. Demanding to be answered on my own terms is a world apart from entering into the love that surpasses understanding.

Why fight the spiritual battle?

It’s the only real response to suffering, once fighting with my own resources is proving impossible. That motivation is fair enough.

But the real reason to give everything I have to the spiritual struggle is because that’s just what love does.

I try outsmarting the enemy with overthinking, until the great ideas seem lifeless, and then I’m ready to offer them up. The great love accepts the offering, maybe like a parent who treasures a scribble that the child offers in love.

We worship the constructs of our own minds, and it’s hard to let that idolatry go until it proves utterly empty and lifeless. And still it sprouts yet another great idea to be sacrificed for love.

The struggle against the idols of the mind continues. And I have no strength to fight for my life, but realizing that is the great blessing.

God’s love is present at every step, even when I can’t seem to connect, and feel bereft. The cry is the pivotal point where the heart begins to engage even in the faintest way.

“We should not hide our wounds, but place them in the palm of His hand. He will not judge us but will lift us up.”-Mother Siluana